Why divorce mediation instead of court proceedings

For parents of minor children who want to know what ALL the options are when considering divorce, hear this. A ghost works best, like a parachute, when it’s open. There are very creative ways to divide property and share children when both parties keep the main prize in mind – the welfare of the children. They didn’t ask for this drama and it’s possible to shield them if you both work on it. The idea of ​​”working on it” might sound strange for a couple about to break up just because their relationship isn’t “working out,” but when you have kids together, your job will never end. There will be weddings and grandchildren and holidays for the rest of your life. Now when you start World War III and the kids are caught in the middle, they have to do a lot of ducking and ducking while your verbal bullets go over their heads.

Take a step back and focus on the kids. No matter what perceived mistakes you have made or not, this is where you are and playing the blame game can make you feel better, but it’s not productive. A little rational thinking instead of becoming a victim of your own feelings is the most important thing now. The more you focus on anger, the more anger you will feel. Now focus on the kids instead. Who was the main caretaker? If you were a stay-at-home mom or dad, chances are you’ll have to go back to work because you’re not gathering enough support to live the life you’ve become accustomed to. So if you both work, you really have an opportunity to deal with a joint custody situation. It’s hard raising a child alone. Sometimes you really need a break for yourself.

5/2 2/5. This is a very popular child sharing plan that gives the children reliable consistency. One parent always takes Monday and Tuesday, while the other parent always takes Wednesday and Thursday, with weekends going back and forth. This means that you are never separated from the child for more than 5 days at a time. Sometimes the weekend runs on Monday/Tuesday and sometimes on Wednesday/Thursday. Having plenty of time with and without the kids can help you plan a personal and work life that many people enjoy.

On the financial side, if you have a bitter, uncooperative, self-employed spouse, try to gather support. It’s impossible unless they feel like paying you. It’s going to be a fight to the end and you’ll probably never get what’s owed you. The last thing you want is to go to war with a person like that. So now let’s talk about the most important decision you will make. What kind of divorce do you want? Some people want to go out with guns blazing. There are MANY lawyers who just love clients like this because they know they can make a lot of money off you. But when you have a self-employed spouse, you need them to cooperate. You know what your grandmother used to say about how to use honey to catch more flies. A long, costly, and contentious divorce does not produce a workable outcome if the side that owes alimony is self-employed. They will dig into their cures and keep so much creative accounting that you will end up paying them.

We create our life out of our intention. That may sound counterintuitive. You didn’t want your marriage to end, did you? Well, intention is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. If you both intend to break up with as much cooperation and generosity as possible, you’ll BOTH be better off, financially and emotionally. I always tell people the same thing, you can split the pie in two or four ways. Which way brings you the most? When you use divorce mediation, cut out the lawyers. The average fees in California when both sides have their own attorneys are $20,000 each, but the truth is that the more you have to lose, the higher your fees will be. California divorce attorneys are the only types of attorneys whose fees are protected by the equity in your home. They KNOW they’re getting paid. Do you think the case will take longer or solve quickly if you have a lot of assets? Since human nature is such, certain attorneys will ensure that the case is not settled until there is nothing more to argue with. If you want more details, read Charles Dickens’ Bleak House. Nothing has changed since 1800.

The vast majority of people know what they have. There are no hidden Swiss bank accounts in most divorce cases, but attorneys spend thousands of dollars conducting investigations, making testimonies and serving subpoenas. Why buy more than necessary? Would you do that with a house or car? Why would you do it with a divorce? I’m not saying mediation is for everyone, but if you’re both decent people who just want to get out, nobody’s trying to hurt the other, and you’re both honest and reliable about money and have enough honor to Keeping Your Word You are the perfect client for mediation.

Divorce is a transition that comes with its challenges, but an experienced mediator will help you in a peaceful and respectful manner. Mediation prices are based on expertise and your location. So call multiple times and interview multiple mediators to ensure you are fully informed. In my own practice, the whole process takes between 4 and 7 hours on average, but there is certain homework that needs to be done before working with me. Ask the mediator what percentage of their cases have been resolved and how many sessions it took. In California, if both sides have their own attorney, the average cost is $40,000, whatever the mediator charges it will only be a tiny fraction of that. The financial benefits of mediation are obvious, but more importantly, you will feel comfortable enough with your spouse to be able to raise your children together. This is the best gift you can give your children. I should know, I was one of those kids caught in the middle. That’s why I do what I do. Using mediation instead of litigation brings some sanity back into the divorce process because the adversarial system destroys families. So ask yourself what kind of divorce do you want? Peaceful divorce is an idea whose time has come.